10.Sudden pop ups on his laptop.

9. Surgery scar shaped like a map of Oakland

8. Get well basket of performance enhancement goodies from Victor Conte.

7. Sponge bath by a Candy (Dulfer) striper.

6. Sponge bath of a Candy (Dulfer) striper

5. A 40 ounce Corona premium beer IV drip.

4. A house call from the Doctor, the Funky one.

3. Knowing that no matter what he still looks better than Rocco and has more hair than the rest of Tower of Power

2. Mustang Sally finally slowed her Mustang the funk down.

1. Para-diddle on the para-medics.

This is from Greg Adams:

Greg Adams will join Celine Dion on stage to perform and accompany her on this first time ever broadcast. Co-Hosted by LL Cool J and Taylor Swift, and Featuring Performances by Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Foo Fighters, B.B. King, John Mayer and Swift. For the first time ever, nominations for the annual GRAMMY® Awards will be announced live on primetime television Dec. 3 on CBS. More at http://www.gregadamsmusic.com.

10. Fingers are so fat hit three Fugalhorn keys at once.

9. Relatives still laughing about your conception of smoking a turkey and lack of eyebrows.

8. This morning Malt liquor stocks surge than split.

7. Fist fight with brother in law because you brought your own knife to carve the turkey.

6. Police who came to your house knew your first name and expected a plate of food.

5. Trumpet players can read sheet music off of their belly’s.

4. Wore out your lips so you have to play the cowbell instead of the Alto.

3. Button popped off your pants and knocked the cat out.

2. Done found the stroke which required emergency chiropractic care.

1. Wind coming from multiple places during flute solo.

10. Ran out of Colt 45 before the early NFL game started.

9. Mother in law spent most of dinner talking about gum disease.

8. Leftovers included broke relatives passed out on the sofa whose feel smelled like popcorn.

7. Cousin tried to rob the 7-11 with new electric knife, but the cord was too short.

6. The Turkey had a tattoo that read, Property of Oakland Hells Angels.

5. Spent the day at Lake Merritt trying to kidnap a huge duck.

4. Woke up after a nap wearing a Mohawk made out of gravy, with gizzards sticking out of your ears and green beans out your nose.

3. When dinner came out of the kitchen your Uncle came out of the closet.

2. The whole freestyle rapping the grace thing, caused the church Deacon to slap you.

1. Your attorney made everyone sign a release before they could eat the mystery meat stuffing.

10. Hey Rocco from TOP, could those “Fat City” dudes introduce me to some chunky babes?

09. Yeah, calling for Ms. Streisand, tell The Doctor his people need my people, if they do they will be the luckiest people in the world.

08. Guys, Bruce Conte here, my cousin Victor wants the number for the new “Fat City” people, he says he has something that could help them skinny the funk up.

07. Blevins here from Mingo Fishtrap, wanted to welcome Jerry and Santa Fe, wanted to let y’all know that we still have the most ridiculous band name on the label.

06. Roger Smooth jazz Smith here, make sure those “Fat” horn homies don’t sit on my organ.

05. Steve, its Doc, has melody made a comeback yet? Text me.

04. Chris here from Funkiphino, listen man we are getting way too many calls from Manila because we sound way too much like Filipino, could the PR cats do something about this?

03. John March from Zen Blues quartet here, no message man, hear the silence.

02. Patrick Allen, bout time someone called me back.

01. Former President Clinton here, Could someone from the Hip Service band call me asap.