10. They agree with the Bible which says Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

9. None of the band members are gay or can even put a matching outfit together.

8. In Oakland when Homies get out of the penitentiary they usually go back to girls.

7. Someone would have to quit and get a straight job so they can have medical benefits.

6. They would accidentally murder their pets by being on the road so long.

5. If one got fired from the band, the other would mess up songs on purpose.

4. If they look uncomfortable dancing side by side could you imagine face to face?

3. They would rather find someone with money.

2. Don’t want to be honor bound to donate vital organs.

1. Being on the road with ten dudes is worse than being married.

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10. Go to Pikes market and squeeze local melons.

9. Take the underground tour to see if they can find deadbeat Dad musician friends from Texas.

8. Explain to bus boys its “Mingo”, not “Gringo” Fishtrap.

7. Go to the world’s first Starbucks and thank them for keeping them touring all these years.

6. Explain to the former rock players that the Needle is not literally from Space.

5. Try not to wear pointy cowboy boots while walking down steep hills.

4. Go to Seahawk Games in Dallas Cowboys gear and start fights.

3. Visit Woodland park zoo, and trap fish.

2. Visit Dr, Funk for yearly alcohol performance tolerance aptitude tests.

1. Stop by Oakland on the way over from Austin to pick up some Everett and Jones BBQ.