10. Fill pockets with crushed ice and stand in spit section.
9. Keep your dancing/go to court/calf length/black pimp socks, in the Fridge.
8. Fill your stage fedora with Fenton’s ice cream.
7. Jump in Lake Merritt tell rescuers you are an expert in the Oakland stroke.
6. Roll up slacks blind co workers with the whiteness of your legs, forcing the boss to send you home.
5. Mandatory midlife- man-boob, halter tops.
4. Glad you are genetically bald, unless you are a girl, then buy a wig hat.
3. Visit your broke security guard brother in law at Baskin Robbins in East Oakland
2. Lap dance with Hillary Clinton.
1. Go to the mall and stay there until they slap you and take your credit cards away.
